Lori Wick.... books? VIDEO?!??? *bleh* Not for the queasy.

Yeah... I know. It practically parodies itself. Some books make my blog easy...

This is a huge step for me, and a step back for Bethany House!

I have realized why most Inspirational, Christian, Historical, fiction is so cheesy! Today I was going through some old stuff when I found a Disney book based off of a bunch of their movies. Like Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Tarzan, and other such stories. So, I pick it up and flip through it, and when I read it, I thought to myself... " That sounds a whole lot like a Janet Oke book, only without the characters praising God before they make out and less descriptive...." Thats when it hit me! Thats why I either feel disgusted or bored during most of those type books, to be 'clean', they take a child's story and use big words! With a tad more passion, but just a tad. And they replace a fairy godmother with God! And of corse, the handsome prince is really a soldier from war, or a pioneer, but same concept. I have discovered the way cheesy christian romance is created. This is huge! I can now make millions off of people who are 30 who want to watch Disney, but feel stupid, so they go to the library and pick up an Inspirational, Christian, Historical, fictional novel, so they can feel better about themselves. Although, I must say I'm rather lost as to why they add 'Inspirational' to it. The only time I'm inspired by one of those books is when I think ''Hmm... this would be a great parody..." Anyone agree???

I'm going into non-safe territory, I'm risking life and limb (those obsessed fan girls are violent) I'm about to mock... THE JONAS BROTHERS! *ducks Mrs. Jonas tee shirts being hurled at me* Ha! You missed...

Year 3000

One day, when I came home at brunch time,

I heard a funny noise,

Went out to the backyard to find out,

If it was one of those rowdy girls,

Stood  there with my neighbor named Peter,

And a Flux Capacitor.

He told me he built a dime machine.

But it ran on gasoline so he,

changed it to, yeah, a time machine,

He said I've been to the year 3000,

Not much has changed but you cant take a shower,

And your great, great, great, aunt  Flower, 

Is doing time (doing time).

I took me to the future in the deluxe thing,

And I saw everything.

Dumb Boy bands and another one and another one... (and another one!)

And girls that fell in love with them, some things never change,

Their heads float above reality.

We drove around in a time machine,

It still ran on gasoline,

Yeah.... he said....

I've been to the year 3000.

Not much has changed but you can't take a shower,

And your great, great, great aunt Flower,

Is doing time, (doing time).

I took a trip to the year 3000.

This is a stupid song,

Everybody hates my guts,

Please somebody, wish me luck,

I took a trip to the year 3000,

This is a stupid song,

Everybody hates my guts, (hates my guts, hates my guts)

He told me he built a time machine,

It runs on gasoline,

Yeah, yeah!!!

I've been to the year 3000. (Yeah, Ben!)

Not much has changed but you cant take a shower. (how dumb!)

And your great, great, great, aunt Flower, (great, great aunt Flower)

Is doing time, (doing time, doing time)

I've been to the year 3000. (Yeah, Ben!)

Not much has changed but you cant take a shower. (how dumb!)

And your great, great, great, aunt Flower, (great, great aunt Flower)

Is doing time, (doing time, doing time)

He said, I've been to the year 3000.

Not much has changed but you can't take a shower.

And your great, great, great, aunt Flower,

Is doing fine (doing fine).

I in NO way own this song, (like I'd put my name on it even if I did...) I don't know the Jonas Brothers, (Thank you God!) And I don't want to break any of the copy law crap, blah, blah, blah, I know this must be annoying but I can so see some crazy obsessed fan trying to get them to sue me for using parts of their songs and making fun of one of the worst bands ever. Legal stuff.... bah...

I'm attempting to mock Taylor Swift at the stake of my reputation and face... worth it.

Tear Drops On My Guitar: By Taylor Swift

Deer Droppings On My Car: By Me!

Sue looked at me,

I faked sigh so she won't see,

What I want and need,

Are a car wash and key,

I'll bet its beautiful,

That new car she talks about,

And it's got everything,

From a motor to a valve,

Sue talks to me,

I punch her cause' she so mean,

I can't even see,

What's going on behind me,

She says she's so in love,

She's finally got the color right,

I wonder if she knows,

What's going on behind her sight,

She's the reason for the deer droppings on my car,

The only thing that keeps my bus pass close at hand at last,

She's the voice that keeps ringing in my ears,

Don't know why she doesn't stop,

Sue walks by me,

Doesn't she see?

There's a deer pooping, so perfectly,

On the new car, she loves so dearly,

She better not take it light,

Give it a good scrub,

Don't by into the cheap soap lies,

And know a good sponge cause',

She's the reason for the deer droppings on our cars,

The only reason we keep our bus passes close on hand at last,

She's the voice that keeps ringing in my ears,

Don't know why she doesn't stop,

So I drive home holding my breath,

As I turn around the bend,

I'll put this smell out,

By getting some bleach and giving a good rub,

'Cause, she's the reason for the deer droppings on my car,

The only one who's going to pay of my cleaning bills,

She's the voice in my head that keeps ringing,

Don't know why she doesn't stop,

She's the time taken up to catch a bus,

And she's all that I need to use,

Sue looks at her car,

And I smile as she cleans the poop.

Lori Wick...

A parody of Lori Wick's "Promise Me Tomorrow", description.

Original:

Katherine Taggert—nicknamed “Rusty” for her curly red hair—shines like a ray of sunshine at her aunt and uncle’s orphanage. Unaccustomed to traveling alone in the pioneer West, Rusty is accompanied on her first orphanage placement trip by the kind but reserved widower Chase McCandles.

When Chase offers Rusty a position in his stately home as a companion for his young son, Quintin, Rusty accepts. But when she realized how little time Chase spends with Quintin, Rusty’s heart is torn. How can she convince Chase that his son desperately needs a father?

And can Chase learn to trust God to help him demonstrate his love and affection for Quintin—and for Rusty?

A heartwarming story of love, trust, and family.

Spoofed version:

Katherine Taggert- nicknamed "Musty", for her body oder--smells like a rotten fish in her aunt and uncle's fast food restaurant. Unaccustomed to her bad smell, they send her traveling alone in the pioneer West, Musty is accompanied on her first road trip by the kind, but unobservant widower Chase McDonalds.

When Chase offers Musty a position in his stately 2 story McDonalds restaurant as a companion for his young employee, Ouintin, Musty accepts. But when she realized how little time Chase spends watching the french fries with Quintin, Musty's heart is torn. How can she convince Chase that his employee doesn't put enough salt on the french fries and desperately needs a hair cut?

And can Chase learn to trust his dog Ronald to help him demonstrate his talents as a dow show host, and as a french fry maker?

A fry warming story of fast food, salt, and dog shows.

Disclaimer: I in no way own this story either, nor do I wish to. I in NO way know Mrs. Wick, and hold no claims to her work. I don't want to break any copyright laws, just make fun of what I consider a stupid story. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... 

Janette Oke... enough said...

A parody of her novel "Seasons of the Heart's" description.

(Original)

Meet Joshua Jones, a young man growing up on the prairie at the turn of the century. Shaped by his unconventional family and the events that transpire in the small town he calls home, Josh faces questions of life, faith, and love in this heartwarming, four-part story by beloved and bestselling author Janette Oke.

Spoofed version:

Meet Joshua Loans, a young banker growing up in "Prairie", a small town that watches endless hours of TV everyday as they drive their Century's. Shaped by his cookie-cutter family and Tv related events that transpire in the small town he calls "suckerville", Josh faces the questions of life, Tv, scams, and radio-active fly's that eat computer chips, in this heartwarming, four part story of scams and lies written by the the beloved and bestselling author Jannette Oke.

Disclaimer: I in no way own any of Janette Oke's work, and in no way wish to own it. I Don't mean to break any laws of copyright crap and wouldn't want my name on her books anyway. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... now that the legal stuffs taken care of!

So many stupid things, so little time to make fun of them...

Old Blue Jeans, by: Miley Cyrus

Where No Holes Should Ever Be, by: Me

You walk away from me tonight, I left you terrified,I thought we had a lot of fun, But all you want to do is run, Take away the glamour,  The world, let it show, And try to forget what you just saw, Take away the jeers,  The and all the hype, Cause' I didn't dress up tonight.  I'm gonna put on my old blue jeans, They have holes where no holes should ever be. Would you give me a towel, Or just laugh and howl,  Oh if you saw me, Me in my old blue jeans. You think I'm unapproachable, And maybe your right, I should read a book,  Cover to cover, It be my first,  I just might... Take away the glamour, Oh wait thats to late, And forget everything you just saw, Take away my hideous hair, I didn't dress up tonight. I'm gonna put on my old blue jeans, They have holes where no holes should ever be, Would you give me a towel, Or just laugh and howl,  Oh if you saw me in, Me in my old blue jeans, (x2) You just saw what you get! I'm gonna put on my old blue jeans, They have holes where no holes should ever be, Would you give me a towel, or just laugh and howl, OhIf you saw me in, Me in my old blue jeans, (x3)

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